What position did you live in as a child? Did you enjoy being the eldest, middle, only, or youngest child?

Research shows that the position you perceived you lived in as a child has influenced your life choices e.g. career, parenting style, friendships, coping strategies and even choosing your partner.

The concept of birth order was originally presented by Alfred Adler in the early 1900's. Adler believed that siblings had as much importance as parents in influencing a child's life experiences and their views of the world and themselves.

Children enter their family looking for a place to belong, a place of significance. They begin observing both parents and brothers and/or sisters immediately. No two children grow up in the same family situation.

Eldest and only children can create their own unique space without immediate influence from other siblings. Middle children have to observe what spaces are already taken e.g. high achiever, music, sports, clown, before they can carve out their place. Youngest children are often given a space as the "baby" and may feel they cannot measure up or catch up to siblings ahead of them.

There are no good and bad birth order positions. Each one has advantages and disadvantages.

Characteristics of Each Position

Only Child
The only child spends his/her life with adults who are more competent and set standards which may seem high to the child. Some common characteristics of only children are:

• being adult like from an early age
  
• strong and intense attitudes and feelings
  
• protective of their possessions
  
• private about sharing feelings and their life situation
  
• center of attention by winning approval of adults through charm and intelligence or solicits their sympathy through shyness and helplessness
  
• strong self concept
  
• more feelings of loneliness
  
• expects great deal from friends by way of support, loyalty, attention and companionship
  
• wants to have more than one child when they start a family

Eldest Child
At first, he/she was an only child for a limited period of time and consequently was the center of attention. With the birth of a second child, he/she is "dethroned" and frequently feels jealously,

• ambitious, a striver, conscientious
  
• exhibits a need to be first
  
• strong willed, stubborn
  
• conforms to standards of parents
  
• cautious, conservative
  
• self-critical
  
• tends to develop better verbal skills
  
• independent
  
• tends to achieve higher grades in school
  
• helps and protects others
  
• sometimes feels inferior to others
  
• sensitive
  
• serious
  

Middle Child
The middle children are in a unique position for they don't have the advantages of the older child nor the privileges of the younger.

• competitive
  
• more interested in relationships with other people
  
• aggressive, rebellious
  
• cheerful, easy-going
  
• enjoys activities for their own sake (i.e. athletics)
  
• mediator/caretaker in extended family
  
• adjustable, flexible
  
• relatively independent
  
• gregarious and friendly
  
• less rigid in choices of friends
  
• too accommodating
  
• unable to say "no" - pleaser
  
• very generous
  
• important to be liked by all

Youngest Child
The youngest child has a special place as others tend to treat him/her as "special". He/she may become a "speeder" and achieve success or he/she may become discouraged.

• cutest, charmer, winning nature
  
• expects to be taken care of
  
• spontaneous
  
• original, creative
  
• a fun child
  
• a pleasant companion - one with whom you can relax and enjoy yourself
  
• tries to get people to conform to his/her wishes
  
• more accepted and included by siblings

The concept of birth order (family constellation) has been discussed as an important concept in families for the past century. Eldest children often have more in common with other eldest children than they have with their own siblings. It may be a fun conversation to have with your sibling or your children. Think about asking other people about their birth order and see how many qualities you can add to these lists. You can discover more about yourself and your family and have some interesting conversations about how we become the people we are based on early life experiences.

Reference
Birth Order, Kevin Leman. Random House, 1990.