In a society where consuming drugs and alcohol is often downplayed, as a parent it is difficult to prevent our children from being exposed to situations where drugs and alcohol are consumed. Eventually, they will have to take a stand and make their own decisions. Here are a few tips on how to help your child make the right choices:

1. Teach them how to say NO: for fear of being ridiculed or rejected, some young people tend to say yes to anything on offer. Teach your children self-respect and assertiveness from a young age.
2. Encourage their self-esteem: successes and failures help children build a solid personality, which can help prevent them from becoming substance abusers.
3. Provide them with healthy activities: sports and artistic pursuits are activities that are often incompatible with a substance abuse lifestyle.
4. Encourage them to express their emotions: the more they are able to express their emotions, the less they will need external substances to help them manage their emotions.

What are the signs that your teen is using drugs or alcohol?
First, avoid jumping to conclusions on the basis of isolated incidents. What’s critical to determining whether your teen is consuming drugs or alcohol is an association of clues. Below are a few signs to watch out for:

Material signs: evidence of drug or alcohol paraphernalia such as rolling papers, small tweezers burnt at the tips, small mirror, small empty bags, bottles of eye drops, syringes, or pipes.

Physiological signs: bloodshot eyes, dilated pupils, lingering odours (cannabis, alcohol, or solvents), slurred speech, frequent cough, sniffling or track marks.

Behavioural signs: isolation and avoiding parents, more secretive, change in friends, declining grades, mood swings, dropping activities, irritability, disjointed conversation, or excessive appetite on returning home late in the evening.

Talking to your teen
First, you have to choose a time and a place that are conducive to having a chat. Broaching the topic in front of the grandparents, visitors or your teen’s friends is definitely not a good idea. In the same vein, neither is a restaurant the best place for such a personal conversation. Bombarding your teen with questions as he or she walks in the door after an evening when you suspect substances were consumed is not the most effective either, unless you enjoy a monologue!!! Be direct, forthright with your questions. If you have evidence of drug or alcohol consumption, it’s important to specify what you have seen. The main points to cover during this discussion are: Why is he or she using drugs or alcohol? For how long? How frequently? What is he or she using and in what quantity? With whom? The purpose of this chat is to exchange information, so use your judgement and be tactful. This is not a police interrogation.

Is it better to nag or adopt a laisser-faire attitude?
Adolescence is a time of detachment and independence. It’s a time when teens want to be autonomous and responsible, and become independent from mom and dad. At the other end of the spectrum are the parents who have to learn to let go, and cope with a new reality. In the face of this imbalance, parents may tend to increase their control, and get involved in every step and decision their children take. But hold on. Too much is as bad as too little. It’s a question of striking the right balance. If you’re always there, how can you expect your children to develop a sense of responsibility, a capacity to make decisions, and take on responsibilities? The role parents play is all about nuance: like a coach, parents have to know how to let their players play in keeping with their talents, creativity, while providing an overall game plan, coaching, and a well-defined field of play with boundaries.

On the other hand, it is wrong to think that a 12 to 14 year old child is an adult in miniature. They still require coaching and guidance. The level of guidance will clearly depend on your children’s age. As they grow, there will be more room for negotiation and compromise. The key to ensuring the right amount of parental intervention is communication: communication with your children, communication with your spouse, and communication with your family and friends, which can help you define your values and your limits.